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|Our wedding day.|
I am now happily remarried to a prince and son, heir to the kingdom, of a mighty king and heavenly father. My Christian counselor taught me to seek a person with whom I would be “equally yoked” – which meant spiritually, financially, socially, and academically. One of the wisest things one of my Christian mentors ever said to me was “If you’re not sure, don’t” and “make a list of what you are truly seeking and pray for it”. So I made a list, and here are the most important things I would advise any Christian I know to seek in a spouse. This list works great in selecting friendships too.
- Christ – not just lip service but true evidence that this person is a follower of Jesus Christ. Look for evidence in their actions: do they pray, get into God’s word, are they actively serving in some capacity or are they involved with other Christians?
- Commitment – Can this person handle commitment, look for evidence – can they keep a job long term, do they hold true to their promises and commitments to you and to others?
- Consideration – When plans change does this person let you know ahead of time? Do they think to ask you before making big decisions? Does the person always talk about themselves, or do they ask and genuinely express care and concern for others? Do they remember what you told them?
- Character – Is this person trustworthy? Do they hold telling the truth to be an important value? Do you see evidence of fruit of the spirit? Is this a person you would trust to raise your children the way you would raise them should something ever happen to you? Think about what you value – do you want someone who is responsible with money? Someone who is timely (on time)? Purity and sexual integrity? Make a list of the important character traits for you.
- Communication – Does this person enjoy talking to you? Do they tell you about their day, the details and the big things? Do they make you feel included in what is going on? Do their verbalize and express their emotions? Do they reciprocate and want the same type of communication from you and do they listen to you, respond and alter activities and or behavior after talking with you?
- Conflict Resolution – When you disagree with this person are you able to do it with respect and courtesy? If there is immature pouting, blaming, violence, or temper-tantrum activity run the other way. Does this person say they are sorry easily? Do they truly seek harmony and agreement with you?
- Common Interests – Are there activities that you can enjoy together? Eating out, hiking, reading books, sailing, what-ever it may be, are there things you can spend time together doing? This also means the person can’t have activities that you detest – sort of a “can’t stand” pile. Maybe it’s smoking or drinking, or gambling, or gaming; make a list of your “can’t stands” too and make sure to eliminate any potential mates if they engage in the “can’t stands”.
- Chemistry – I’m not talking about super good looking or charming. Do you feel a connection with this person in a way that you find attractive? Do not let chemistry override the other things on the list.
P.S. Please let me know if you found this post helpful. I’d love to hear from you. I’d also like to know if you’d add anything to this list. Thanks for the input.
Linked up at Time-Warp Wife’s Titus 2 Tuesday at: